Updated - Or Would It Be My Mommy CV?

Her Bad Mother wrote this post regarding the Motrin ad campaign that insulted baby wearers specifically, and moms in general, as trying to be Stepford Mom conformists.

[I have such a bloggy crush on HBM. She writes so well and so honestly. I think if I met her, I might get all fangirl geeky. Read her stuff; it's awesome.]

Anyway, she coins the term "mommy bona fides" in the above post for those outward signs that say, yes, I am a mommy. Things like a Frankenvulva (if you haven't read this post, you must do it now! I'll wait....ok, are you back?), a stained wardrobe, a muffin top, a short temper, etc.

That got me thinking about a list of mommy bona fides for me. Of course these are just mine, I'm sure all 2 of my readers have some other good ones, too.

My Mommy Credentials...
I've caught throw-up in my hand and been peed on (not in any sort of kinky way, yuck).

I know all the words to the "Little Einsteins" theme song.

I actually find watching episodes of "Max and Ruby" relaxing.

I have sniffed near another person's butt. (What? I'm talking about the diaper sniff, people.)

I can play what amounts to Charades with a 2 year old, trying to translate what he said. One word, sounds like...pi'doh...could be pillow. Pillow? No. Playdough! Of course.

I talk about poo and potties and tantrums with strangers.

My abdomen looks like I tried to come up with the next big trend after piercing or tats or branding -- pale squiggly lines rising from my lady parts like flames to cover my stomach. Yeah, those would be stretch marks.

So, what are your mommy bona fides?

P.S. Is it just Little Bit or does your toddler insist on falling asleep holding random things. A tupperware lid and a squishy foam cylinder from a toy, really? Last night it was hand-me-down toddler reindeer slippers he found in his stuff right before bedtime. Don't suggest he give those up unless you want a tantrum of epic proportions.

Updated to add:

I may not wear the ubiquitous mommy ponytail, but I almost always have my hair up in a bun with a butterfly clip (is that worse than a scrunchy? I don't know).

I sometimes have the dreaded muffin top. *sigh* At least I hide it by wearing long shirts untucked.

While I didn't get near the scars that HBM got, I also got to experience the joy and physicality of vaginal delivery. Ice packs are your friend. So were pillows to sit on for weeks and weeks and weeks...

Most of my pants now have elastic in the waistband. This may just be a me thing and not a 'mom' thing, but I loved the stretchiness of maternity pants' waistbands.

I keep books or magazines in the car so I can read at stoplights (who remembers free time to read before becoming a mother?)

Too bad I can't blame my being late for things and being too rushed to put on makeup on being a harried mom. I'm just lazy. Heh.