Tuesday, May 6, 2008

So, what has your vagina done for *you* lately?

Little Bit's second birthday is fast approaching. On May 26, it will have been two years since I pushed a human out. Well, that is, since a human, with a 14 cm head no less, was yanked out of a 10 cm dilated cervix with the help of two huge-mongous metal salad tongs. Is it any wonder that I actually remember the following weeks of painful sitting on pillows even more than I remember the almost 24 hours of active no-drugs labor? I'm thinking that having one human come out of my vagina is enough.

I was one of those women who wanted a "natural childbirth" and no unnecessary medical interventions. You know that those nurses were laughing their asses off when they looked at the birth plan attached to my chart. After active labor for 14+ hours with no relief, I asked for the epidural. I wanted to kiss the anaesthesiologist, but, dude, we'd just met, and I was having another man's baby. It would have been awkward.

Having to be told when a contraction was happening, because you couldn't feel the pain? Priceless. Having your doctor, plus another doctor, several nurses, and five or so doctors-in-training, plus possibly a janitor, staring at your business, while your legs are in the air? No problem! Nope, it doesn't matter what I had on the birth plan (no doctors-in-training). Just. Get. This. Baby. Out!

Yes, looking into those beautiful blue eyes for the first time was amazing and miraculous. He stopped crying and just looked at me when I spoke to him; a new soul had entered into the world. He knew my voice! Wow.

So, two years of being a mom...am I the only one who still feels so inept sometimes? While we waited at the airport for our plane to Honolulu, I went with Little Bit to buy something to drink. DH waited with the luggage. As I checked out at the cashier, Little Bit decided to grab the candy that was so conveniently within his reach.

He grabs one piece. I wrestle it away, while also trying to find change to pay for my drink. He immediately grabs another candy bar, while I juggle my open wallet, purse, and try to move him out of range of the candy. He throws the candy on the floor. Awesome. I feel flustered and embarrassed.

A few days later I have to say that I was amused to watch another mom ineffectively try to manage her two toddlers while we waited in a checkout line. Her little boy stayed close by, pulling advertising handouts off the counter, but the little girl wandered off to the refrigerated drinks, all the while crying. When the mom asked the little girl to "come here", the girl sat down on her bottom and wailed even louder.

Hah! I'm not the only one with a child (or children) running amok in checkout lines. Does it make me a bad person that I was inwardly snickering? The thought of trying to manage two little ones makes me hyperventilate, though.

BTW, taking an almost two year old to see the monument at Pearl Harbor where people tend to be reverent and somber, the day after that almost two year old was forced to sit on an airplane for 8+ hours? Worst. Idea. Ev-er.


Becca said...

I have used the credit card just to get a transaction over with quickly while Charlie escaped into a clothing store. I think everyone goes through this.

shuttle mom said...

I promise, you will look back on this and laugh. And when you have grandchildren and are in a check out line, you will make sure you have someone on hand to take them OUT of the store.