Blah, blah, blah

I haven't felt like posting lately, mostly because it seems like it would all be about the same thing -- how tired I am of being tired. While at least the hormonal roller coaster has smoothed out (though with monthly grumpiness), I still keep getting sinus infections. Little Bit has brought home two run-of-the-mill colds over the last month or so. I catch them, and they immediately turn into infections for me.

My regular sinus doc, Sinus Doc 1, wanted to refer me to a "specialist" specialist -- a sinus doc who sees all the unusual cases. The original "specialist", Sinus Doc 2, was out of the country until August. OK, I went and saw Sinus Doc 3, the head of the department and the doc who taught Sinus Doc 2. What a big fat waste of time that was. I had to drive down to the medical center (about an hour drive in traffic), then first talk to his nurse in detail about my history, then in detail to two of his residents, then finally he came in. His residents, and then he, kept asking me, "what's the worst symptom?" How about getting sinus infections all the effing time?!?j

"No, that's a diagnosis. What's the worst symptom?"

OK. Fine. PTHththththt!!

He looked into my sinuses with the scope (not even using the numbing spray, which I should have spoken up about). Owwww. He said that since I didn't have an infection at that moment, he couldn't tell anything, what was causing the infections to keep coming back. So, I'm supposed to go back when I have a sinus infection. We scheduled me for ~5 weeks after that appointment. I had a sinus infection last week, but could I move my appointment up? No, of course not. The next opening was only one week sooner than my original appointment. So, rather than suffer from the symptoms and mind-numbing exhaustion for another 2.5 weeks, I self-treated (as my regular sinus doc said I could) with my nebulized antibiotics.

Now, I actually get to hope I somehow manage to get another sinus infection at just the right time, not too many days before my appointment. Oh, joy.

I just feel like it never ends. The infections keep popping up. I can't get my head above water.

Sleep, perchance to dream

We have had some success on the sleeping/bed front -- within the last week, Little Bit has slept a few times all by himself in his own bed in his own room. The rest of the time he still slept in his bed, but, he has toddled into our room about 3 am and said sleepily to me, "Will you come sleep in my bed?" I stumbled down the hallway with him, settled him down, and slept next to him the rest of the night. It's a step in the right direction.

Getting him to bed has been getting harder and harder. He keeps trying things to stall. He wants one more story (on tv or a book). He wants some juice. He's hungry. Sometimes we can get him into his bed without too many tears. But once he dissolved into hysterics. He was so tired, so upset and crying hoarsely. Finally, I just picked him up in my arms and held him in a cradle hold close to my chest. I rocked him and made soothing sounds. Soon, he calmed, and I was able to lie down next to him.

He's been stuttering off and on again. The daycare teacher said it's very common for his age and that their thoughts are going much faster than their words/vocabulary can go. We just let him take his time when he's telling us something and not draw attention to it. It's hard not to feel a little concerned, though, wondering if it's the start of a problem.

We went to a 4th of July celebration at the park and got to spend time with DH's family. Little Bit and his cousin Bethany had a most excellent time dancing to the music of his Uncle. While we were there, I got to hold the little 3-month old baby girl of a friend of our niece. Oh, dear...those sweet little chubby legs, those cute, tiny toes, that little ruffly outfit...She was just so small. It made me remember when Little Bit was just born and how wonderful it was to hold him over my heart, with his little legs folded under him like a frog, small and compact. I had a dream within a few days of that where DH and I were discussing Do we really want a second child? How are we going to afford two in daycare? Do we really want to do this? Gulp.

However, even with those baby-induced ovary twinges (hey, quiet down there! Haven't you already been giving me enough trouble?!), I know that we're "one and done". While it would be awesome for Little Bit to have a little sister or brother to play with, having a sibling doesn't always mean you'll be close. My brother and I are worlds apart and have never been close. We're just too different in personality and have different interests.

There are also practical reasons to be "one and done" -- since DH is 15 years older than I am, he'll be nearing retirement when Little Bit is in high school. We'd like to be able to retire sometime, you know, before we die, and enjoy time together, and also still provide some college money for Little Bit.

I also selfishly enjoy being able to hand-off between me and DH, knowing DH is not outnumbered, so I can go for some 'retail therapy' or take a nap or read a book.