Blah, blah, blah

I haven't felt like posting lately, mostly because it seems like it would all be about the same thing -- how tired I am of being tired. While at least the hormonal roller coaster has smoothed out (though with monthly grumpiness), I still keep getting sinus infections. Little Bit has brought home two run-of-the-mill colds over the last month or so. I catch them, and they immediately turn into infections for me.

My regular sinus doc, Sinus Doc 1, wanted to refer me to a "specialist" specialist -- a sinus doc who sees all the unusual cases. The original "specialist", Sinus Doc 2, was out of the country until August. OK, I went and saw Sinus Doc 3, the head of the department and the doc who taught Sinus Doc 2. What a big fat waste of time that was. I had to drive down to the medical center (about an hour drive in traffic), then first talk to his nurse in detail about my history, then in detail to two of his residents, then finally he came in. His residents, and then he, kept asking me, "what's the worst symptom?" How about getting sinus infections all the effing time?!?j

"No, that's a diagnosis. What's the worst symptom?"

OK. Fine. PTHththththt!!

He looked into my sinuses with the scope (not even using the numbing spray, which I should have spoken up about). Owwww. He said that since I didn't have an infection at that moment, he couldn't tell anything, what was causing the infections to keep coming back. So, I'm supposed to go back when I have a sinus infection. We scheduled me for ~5 weeks after that appointment. I had a sinus infection last week, but could I move my appointment up? No, of course not. The next opening was only one week sooner than my original appointment. So, rather than suffer from the symptoms and mind-numbing exhaustion for another 2.5 weeks, I self-treated (as my regular sinus doc said I could) with my nebulized antibiotics.

Now, I actually get to hope I somehow manage to get another sinus infection at just the right time, not too many days before my appointment. Oh, joy.

I just feel like it never ends. The infections keep popping up. I can't get my head above water.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Today's words are "Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)" and "perimenopause". Can you say "PMDD" and "suck it up, you're a hormonal mess"? I knew you could. I've complained on here before about my worsening PMS symptoms. The symptoms that have been severe enough to affect my work at my job. Last week and this week, I had two terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days at work. I was given two 'shape-up' talks by management -- about my number of sick days, about my lack of focus, etc, etc. I started crying in the meeting with my direct supervisor. Gads, I hate that. It's embarrassing and makes me angry. At least my supervisor said that the situation wasn't unsalvagable. I have a chance to turn it around.

After that rude wake-up call/slap in the face, I started thinking about my symptoms, google'ing, and looking at the calendar. "In PMDD, mood symptoms are more severe and often overshadow physical symptoms. The emotional disturbances are significant enough to cause problems with daily life." [emphasis mine] and "Emotional symptoms include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, irritability and sensitivity, anger, being overwhelmed, and the need to withdraw from others."

I had recently told a friend that the emotional symptoms are very marked right before my period, then they go away. It's like a switch -- I wake up one morning, after days and days of looking at things through a haze of irritation, and the haze is gone. I know that my period will start later that same day.

While reading about PMDD, I came across references to worsening PMS or PMDD being associated with perimenopause. 'What is that' you may ask? It's the 10-15 years before menopause. Based on my mom's history, I had figured out that I would likely start perimenopause in my late 30's. I'm soon to be 37. Let's take a look at the symptoms of perimenopase, shall we?

» Hot flashes - check, night sweats
» Sleep disorders such as insomnia, difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently, or restless sleep, leading to fatigue - check
» Mood swings, irritability, depression, anxiety, or nervousness - check
» Decreased libido
» Menstrual cycle changes, including heavier periods, uterine fibroids, spotting between periods, or skipped cycles, as well as worsening PMS (premenstrual syndrome) or PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) - check
» Fuzzy thinking, decreased or impaired memory and attention - check
» Increased food cravings, stubborn weight gain, insulin resistance, and difficulty controlling blood sugar
» Digestive problems, such as irritable bowel, bloating, or » acid reflux
» Heart arrhythmia, chest pain, palpitations
» Joint and muscle symptoms, including inflammation, stiffness or pain
» Dizziness, decreased balance,
» headaches or menstrual migraines - check

Well, shiiii-at. I may not be crazy after all. Well, that is to say, the hormones may be what are making me crazy. One website mentioned that the symptoms of fuzzy thinking and inability to multitask can be significant. I've just found out recently that I've missed some important details in meetings due to my brain fog. Those meetings? Yeah, they were in prime PMS time. Dude, I'm smart; I have advanced degrees. But these hormone shifts are kicking my mental butt. I've joked with DH about my 'hot flashes', but I just figured that they were just from the hormones of still breastfeeding (like feeling hot during pregnancy). Maybe they really have been bona-fide hot flashes.

Now I just need to get with my Doc and figure out how to get my hormones on an even keel. Any lurkers who have some experience or advice?

What kind of service would *you* expect for that kind of money?

I had the pre-surgery appointment with my sinus doctor yesterday. In just 3 days I will be woozy from the lingering effects of anesthesia and will have various bloody fluids coming outta my nose. As I remember from my last sinus surgery, the sling that goes over your ears and around your nose to hold the gauze in place is pretty comical. Oh, yeah, and I'll have a partially numb face. Good times.

The doc used an endoscope to look into my infected sinus yesterday. He said it's looking better, but, well, I won't give you the details about the pus he mentioned. Because that's just gross. I am *so* not the type of person who runs into friends I haven't seen for awhile, then starts blathering on about her upcoming sinus surgery and making references to roto-rooters being applied (there's a lovely image!), when those friends have just been enjoying bagels and coffee. Ahem.

The nebulized antibiotics have been fighting back the infection somewhat, just not enough. I am so sick of that nebulizer machine. I've been using it for months now, or possibly since the Clinton presidential years. I'm not sure. Things get a little blurry in my continued exhaustion. During the day last Saturday, thanks to DH entertaining the little guy, I slept for about 6 hours. Then, I went to bed about 9pm that night. I still had to come home early from work one day this week to sleep because I was feeling vertiginous. (Like how I worked that $25 word in there?)

The doc showed me the CAT/CT scan of my sinuses. It's much cooler now that they have the images on computer in digital form. Way back in the dark ages, 6 years ago, my last pre-sinus surgery scan used actual huge X-ray films. I know, barbaric. You only got X-ray prints of a limited number of slices through imaging of the head. With digital images, the doc could scroll the mouse wheel and take us through my skull and sinuses and back out from any direction. Kinda cool. Yep, the images confirmed how very effed up my left sinuses are.

As I was leaving the doc's office, I noticed the billing charges on my checkout slip. Of course those are never what the insurance actually ends up paying the doctors, but I guess if we had no insurance, it's what we'd have to pay. There was a $120 office visit charge *plus* a $350 charge for the endoscopic procedure. $350?!@! He looked in my nose like 15-20 seconds! Seriously. For that kind of money, well, let's just say, I'd prefer the cuter doc in the practice, and it should involve other kinds of procedures.

A nose by any other name

I went for the follow-up with my sinus doc last week. After 2 months (!!) on the nebulized antibiotics, only half of my sinus infection is cleared up. The doc suggested sinus surgery to open up the passageways on that side of my nose. I go for the CT scan on Friday, then he'll call me with the results and schedule the surgery.

*big sigh* I just want to not have sinus headaches every day, to be able to breathe out of both sides of my nose, and to not be exhausted all the time. Is that too much to ask?

And just because you might be wondering who is lying or being misleading in his presidential campaign or who is being fairly truthful, go check cnn or factcheck.org

Monday meanderings

Random meanderings for Monday morning --

We took Little Bit to the neighborhood pool yesterday and had an awesome time. Unlike the first few times, he needed no coaxing to get in. He loved standing under the mushroom waterfall and "swimming"/flying through the water in our arms. Even when his head went all the way underwater, he wasn't afraid. We'll turn him into a water baby yet.

I found out why none of the antibiotics I've tried the last six months (six months!) have cleared out my chronic sinus infection. The culture that the doc took showed that I have a particular strain of antibiotic-resistant staph bacteria in my sinuses. The only things that work against it are certain nebulized or IV antibiotics. So, nebulized antibiotics and a follow-up for me in three weeks. Maybe I'll finally have energy again!

I have to say ptpthpthth!!! to hormones. I really got spoiled the last few years thanks to lactational amenorrhea. In essence, I got to go about two and a half years without a period, through pregnancy and beyond, except for the normal post-partum stuff. I'd forgotten what a pain it is having a period every month. And of course poor DH has to deal with Prehistoric Monster Syndrome every month now.

Updated to add: DH was stunned recently when I snapped at him out of the blue for "smirking" at me. He wisely returned from grocery shopping with offerings of chocolate and mini powdered doughnuts. As Undomestic Diva said, I mean, what do we get to throw in your face every 28 [@#$] days? Except, of course, that YOU'RE AN IDIOT?

And I wish my boss would actually tell me the due dates for things so I don't get emails from someone else a few days before a big report is due asking if my item will be ready. This was the second time she didn't tell me a due date, and I got caught out on the short end of the stick both times. Grrrrr...

Two more weeks

Exhaustion R Us. Neither DH nor I go to bed as early as we should. It's nice to have "us" time and also "me" time to surf the web or watch tv after Little Bit goes to sleep. I let DH sleep in last Saturday. When he got up, I lay down for a nap about 10am. I vaguely recall waking when he brought LB in to nap next to me. Then, the next thing I knew, it was 3pm!! I had to check several clocks before I believed the time. I actually woke up without still feeling tired. It was heaven.

Counting down until I'm squishing warm sand under my feet in Hawaii...(and letting Grandma and Grandpa play with LB while DH and I sleep in). Heh heh heh.