Thursday, March 5, 2009

The cranky saga continues

I told my manager yesterday that I had a medical diagnosis for what's been going on - PMDD. At first when I said "PMDD", he got the hint of a smile, like maybe he thought I was kidding. I continued on seriously, that the difficulty concentrating, the migraines, the debilitating symptoms every month were all symptoms. Looking back, it really pisses me off that maybe he at first thought I was joking. Like, ha-hah, I've got really bad PMS. No, it's not a fucking joke. Has your wife gone through menopause? Then you should effing know what hormone imbalances can do to someone.

The other thing that pisses me off is that yesterday he suggested we look into finding me another position to rotate into, since I'm on our lead's "list". What the hell?! We just finally got an intermediary on our side of things to help "translate" what the lead wants. This intermediary has been a huge, huge help the last few weeks. The intermediary told me that he thought any reassignment for me was on hold, pending how things work with him interfacing for us and translating. I'm pissed that it sounds like my manager is no longer in my corner. At least, the intermediary is in my corner. Maybe he can convince the lead to wait and see how things go. I don't know what will happen. I just need to continue to produce.

Yesterday afternoon, I was overwhelmed with a flood of despair. It all seemed to be too much, too big. I wanted to go home and curl up on my bed, in a dark room, and hug a stuffed animal, and try to sleep. To disappear. But I don't have the "luxury" of doing that right now. So, I concentrated on one thing at a time -- open the file I needed to work on, start copying and pasting info from another file. One thing at a time. It worked. I was able to get a decent amount of work done. And I felt a bit better this morning, having gotten some work done.


Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Hormonal things are brutal. I was diagnosed with Premature Menopause soon after the birth of my last child. At age 40 I was completely post-menopausal, just like your grandma.

Devastating. And now me with the hormone replacement pills.


Avonlea said...

Yes, hormonal things can really mess you up! I can only imagine being told you had already been through menopause at age 40.

On the good news side of things, I think the new prescription is helping. I didn't have any hot flashes yesterday at all; this is a first in a long time.