Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Mommy Track

So, here I am with another of the choices faced by moms who work outside the house. My manager is offering for me to attend/observe a week long training at Kennedy Space Center. I would be coming up to speed, related to becoming a focal for our team on this work. I would love to go observe the training. Seeing astronaut training in person at KSC? Heck, yeah!! But that would mean being away from Little Bit for about 6 days. Before becoming a mom and before marriage, I was all about business trips. I got to travel and stay in hotels and eat out all on work's dime. Plus, I got to participate in usually interesting work. It was great.

Now, though, I can't imagine being away from Little Bit for that many days and nights. He still needs me too much. I need him too much. I need to see him at the end of the day, to hear his laugh, to hug him close.

Last night's "Canterbury's Law" on TV had several scenes of the main character remembering when her son (about 5-7 years old?) disappeared - a mom's worst nightmare. And it was *her* fault, related to work even. (Damn those writers! for playing on a working mother's guilt.) She answered a call from work, looking away from her son playing on the playground. When she finished the call, he was gone, a black van pulling away in the background. The feeling of that scene and its horror haunted me. In last night's dreams, I was, at one point, desperately looking for Little Bit. When I found him, safe with friends, just on the other side of the house, I hugged him tight and kissed his little face.

I want to go to the training for work, but right now, I just *can't*. In the pull between him and work, Little Bit wins.

4 comments:

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I don't think there's a right or wring decision here. I know lots of moms who left their kids for business or pleasure and it was good for them both. Then again, personally I couldn't do any business trips when she was little because I'd be a wreck the whole time. Listen to your heart and do what it says.

Becca said...

Can someone go with you so you can take Little Bit along? My dad came to a professional conference with me once so I could bring Charlie (who was still nursing). We all had a great time. I found it to be a great solution to the travelling for work dilemma.

shuttle mom said...

Do what ever YOU feel is best. No one knows your child better than yourself. What ever you choose, don't let guilt eat you up.
Why do us Mommies get stuck with all the hard choices?

Avonlea said...

Yeah, I know I have to do the right thing for us. I think I would be a wreck the whole time, too, Jenny.

I really reconsidered going because DH worried about me getting stuck on that "mommy track" in my coworker's minds, but I just think it would be cruel to Little Bit to suddenly go from being able to nurse at night to cold turkey.