How to have a fun afternoon (by Little Bit)

1. First, beg for more tyee-vee, more tyee-vee. Make sure to do it when Mom wants to get some chores done so she'll turn the tv back on.

2. Next, when a commercial for Dora the Explorer comes on, cry, "Dorya! Dorya!" because Mom hasn't DVR'ed any Dora episodes, so you'll be stuck with whatever is on Noggin or the DVR'ed Mickey Mouse clubhouse you've seen 5 zillion times.

3. Make sure to cry real tears and snuffle loudly because Mom can't produce Dorya.

4. When Mom is playing cars with you later on the floor, and she makes the mistake of lying down, do a full on WWF drop onto her stomach. She'll make a great sound. That shit is funny!

5. Go from having a wonderful, happy time to hysterical crying for no logical reason (like when they try to put socks on you). You gotta keep the parents on their toes.

6. Charm Mom and Dad by setting out your toy cars one by one and showing off your mad counting skills. "One...two...free..." Parents love that. (You have to throw them a bone sometime.)

7. If Mom and Dad take you to the pool, show that you have no fear of the water anymore, unlike the first few times. You can do this by waiting until Mom is standing on one side of the pool, while Dad is walking with you on the other side. Throw your toy into the pool, so Dad will jump in after it. Then, toddle to the side of the pool as Mom is shouting in panic, and jump into the deep end of the pool as Dad comes up and catches you. This will give Mom some new grey hairs. You know that Dad won't let anything happen to you.

8. Fart while you're in the pool. Then, laugh like hell.

9. Be observant. If Mom and Dad try to sneak a cookie for themselves by sleight of hand and subterfuge, catch them and demand a cookie, too.

10. Make sure to load up your diaper with number 2 when Dad is holding you so he has to change it. (No, really, Little Bit wrote that one. Not me, his Mom.)